Caesar Salad (five portions)

I don't really see the point of salad, so when I found out I would be making this I wasn't exactly thrilled. Salad to me is a nothing food, something restaurants use to fill up a sparsely populated plate. The idea of serving it alone is simply ludicrous. I also HATE mustard which is used in this recipe. You should already be aware of my aversion to all things piscine, so I was not best pleased at the inclusion of anchovies. The only person I can think of who actually likes anchovies is the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Michelangelo, and he is a fictional radioactive chenolian. If I was forced at gunpoint to eat a salad, however, I would probably plump for either a Ranch or a Caesar.

Dressing

Ingredients
2 egg yolks
1/2 clove garlic (soul removed)
1/2 tpsn Dijon mustard
50g parmegianno parmesan
2 tspn Worcestershire sauce
75ml virgin olive oil
Juice from half a lemon
6 fresh anchovies
Cracked black pepper

Method
I had never heard of removing the "soul" from the garlic before. If you peel a clove and cut it in half, you should see a thin stalk running through the centre. This is sometimes green, dependant on freshness. This can easily be flicked out with a knife. Apparently, removing this section reduces the chance of "garlic breath" and will allow you to use more garlic in your recipes.

Place the egg yolks, garlic, Worcester sauce, lemon juice, Dijon mustard and anchovies into a blender and liquidise. This could also be done with a stick blender. If you are worried about salmonella, be aware of the raw egg!

Slowly add in the olive oil in stages until the mixture thickens enough to cling to the salad leaves. Strangely enough, the more oil you add, the thicker the mixture becomes. If you add too much, you can thin it out with water.

Add the black pepper and parmesan.

Salad

Ingredients

Cos or Romaine lettuce
Fresh anchovy fillets
Good quality parmesan shavings
Small stick of French bread
Olive oil
1/2 clove garlic
5 eggs
Any clear vinegar

Method
To make croutons thinly slice the bread, allowing two pieces per person. Toast, then rub with garlic and add a splash of oil.

Wash the salad, place in a bowl and evenly coat the leaves with the dressing.

Place the salad in your presentation bowl, sprinkle with the anchovies and parmesan and add the croutons.

Now poach your eggs. If you have a gas hob, I learned an excellent way to do this. If you own an all electric cooker, forget it - try another method. Try to use the freshest eggs possible as these will work much better. The eggs need to be poached one at a time in a small pan. Fill the pan 2/3 full of water and bring to a rolling boil. Add in a splash of vinegar. This will help the ablumen adhere to the yolk. Quickly turn down the hob to a simmering temperature (this is why electric hobs are no good) and give the water a brisk stir. When the water is revolving round the pan nicely, crack in the egg. There will be a worrying moment, but the white soon should wrap around the yolk taking on the shape of a slighty flattened rugby ball. You may need to later trim a few strands of white to make it look perfect. Extract the egg with a slotted spoon and place into a bowl of cold water. This will stop the egg cooking and remove the flavour of the vinegar. Add the egg to the salad and serve.

The Verdict
This is bloody marvellous. When you stick your fork into the egg, it erupts yellow lava which cascades lavishly through the salad. The salad itself is zingingly tasty, but more extraordinary than that - satisfying! I ate absolutely everything, anchovies included. This shows that salad can be brilliant, but to be honest it rarely is; the key here, as always is the quality of the ingredients. I would definitely eat this again, although I doubt if I could be bothered to go to this much effort for a starter or lunch.